Heroics For Beginners by John Moore
01/08/2004 . Source: Laura Kayne 

pub: Ace. 245 page paperback. Price: $ 6.99 (US), $ 9.99 (CAN). ISBN: 0-441-01193-4.

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Unknown to some, there are fairy-tale kingdoms, twenty in all, located at the edge of an ancient and primitive land, full of magic and mystery. In one of those kingdoms, Deserae, the competition to win the hand in marriage of Princess Rebecca is rudely interrupted by the discovery that the King's Ancient Artefact (model 7) has been stolen by the Evil Overlord, Lord Voltmeter (he who must be named).

Following royal protocol and rules, the King decides to send the most qualified of the princes and knights at the competition to Voltmeter's Fortress of Doom in order to defeat him and regain the talisman. Of course, if Lord Logan succeeds without being killed first, he will return to Deserae to marry Rebecca. But Becky's a modern kind of princess and is already seeing Prince Kevin Timberline of Rassendas (son of King Eric the Cool).

Upon finding 'The Handbook of Practical Heroics' by Robert S. Taylor (whose other books include 'The Handbook of Practical Fly-Fishing' and 'The Handbook of Practical Gardening'), Kevin decides there is only one solution: He must travel to the village of Angst, sneak into the Fortress of Doom, stop Voltmeter's Diabolical Plan, recover the Ancient Artefact before Logan, save his reputation and marry the girl he loves.

Perhaps finding a name along the way and, of course, saving the people of Angst. And so he does just that. Becky, however, still being a very modern kind of princess, is not prepared to stay in the castle and wait for him. Instead, she disguises herself as the Comic Sidekick, as every hero has one. Fortunately, she can't tell a joke to, literally, save her life. But that's just the beginning of their problems.

Once in the castle they meet Valerie - Evil Assistant with a strange liking for leather and whips, Stan - overqualified chief minion and Laura - obligatory scientist's daughter. Will they destroy the Device? Will Kevin ever be preferred over Lord Jack Logan? And most importantly, will they actually buy something from the Fortress' gift shop?

If you've ever wondered about the career path of an Evil Overlord (beginning with being an Evil School-teacher), about why old castles and fortresses have so many ventilation shafts and visitors must always exit through the gift shop, why the Evil Assistant is always young and attractive, the mad scientist always reverses the polarity on an extremely complex piece of technology and the real way to be a fairy-tale hero, then 'Heroics For Beginners' is for you.

Moore has succeeded in combining humour, spoof and clichéd in-jokes with something resembling a plot and characters that are actually three-dimensional underneath their two-dimensional parts. Fun and clever, 'Heroics For Beginners' will appeal to fantasy fans who want something a bit different. He uses the conventions of fantasy heroics in order to break them as well as obviously have some fun with them, resulting in an entertaining if not terribly intricate read.

But be warned, you may never consider a Fortress of Doom in quite the same way again!

Laura Kayne